England for Obama

(Thanks to Daily Kos for the round-up)

“Attention passengers: The Straight Talk Express is no longer in service. … Barack Obama is our new president. I think I speak for everybody when I say, ‘Anybody mind if he starts a little early?’ … At the end of the night, the electoral vote count was 349 for Obama, 148 for McCain. Or as Fox News says: ‘too close to call.’”
—David Letterman

“People were worried about the Bradley effect. Apparently, it was not nearly as strong as the Bush effect.”
—Jay Leno

“You know who I blame? The Large Hadron Collider. It is the world’s largest and highest particle accelerator. You may remember we were warned that it could create a black hole and destroy the Earth. Consider this: it launched in mid-September, when John McCain was leading in the polls. I believe it jolted us into a parallel universe that was exactly like our own, only Barack Obama is president and the Phillies are world champions.”
—Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday, first lady Laura Bush called Michelle Obama and invited her and her young daughters to the White House. Laura Bush told Mrs. Obama, ‘While I give you a tour, the girls can watch SpongeBob with the president.’”
—Conan O’Brien

“We’re all very happy except Sean Hannity, who is too busy in the bathroom crying.”
—Fox News’s Chris Wallace on The Daily Show

“People all over the world are celebrating Obama’s victory. Sarah Palin watched the Russians celebrating from her house. … Sen. John McCain’s concession speech was beautiful. It was dignified, and it was classy. And I think the reason for that is he didn’t let Palin say anything.”
—Craig Ferguson

“President Bush called Barack Obama to congratulate him. … Obama thanked Bush for his call and for all he did to help Obama get elected.”
—Jimmy Kimmel

“But right about now Joe the plumber is meeting with his transition team. They’re going to help ease him from obscurity back to oblivion.”
—David Letterman

And I’d like to add these from Stephen Colbert:

“Last night we elected a man called Barack Hussein Obama. What part of that doesn’t scare you?”

“It’s no secret that I have been upset since the election. I’ve tried taking my aggression out on a punching bag - but all the stuffing fell out after the first shotgun blast.”

“Obama’s victory: the international community weighs in. But it’s in metric, so who cares.”

“Obviously, American voters must not watch TV or movies - or they would know that every time a black man is President, something terrible happens. Either terrorists set off a nuclear bomb or an asteroid strikes the Earth… If these movies are any indication, it is only a matter of time before a terrorist teams up with an asteroid to invade the US. Though I am sure President Obama would be willing to sit down with the asteroid without pre-conditions.”

An aside: it appears that UK viewers can no longer watch video clips from The Colbert Report on its site. Which is, of course, gutting. You can still watch Daily Show clips, though - so I have no idea what, as they say, gives.

Staying in on November 4th? You eminently sensible people. Here’s who’s covering it when on British TV (or a combination of British TV and American TV being beamed into British homes):

Sky News: 11pm - 6am

BBC1: 11.45pm - 6am

ITV1: 11.45pm -6am

CNN: 12am - 6am

Fox News (if you must - well, it might be fun to watch Hannity and O’Reilly spitting blood): 10pm - uncertain. As in I’m uncertain, not them. According to Sky TV’s official listings, they’re showing Bill O’Reilly and Hannity & Colmes throughout the night - but clearly that can’t be right. Can it?

The wonderful Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert are also doing a Daily Show election night special together - which I’m imagining will show as usual on More4, ie the day after it’s broadcast in the States. ie. The election night show will actually be shown in the UK on Wednesday night.

Oh, and here’s the lovely Carly on The Today Show with some “very fun” food, drink and games ideas for your election night party (doesn’t include ‘McCain Hard Cheese With Sour Grapes’ or ‘Pin the smear on the Democratic candidate’):

The ‘whoa!’ gag made me laugh out loud, I must confess.

Here’s last night’s great Wag Of The Finger segment for your enjoyment, too. Well, Obama does get a mention. Although it’s not as funny as the ‘plants’ bit :

And finally: Stephen uses DaColbert Code to work out who’s going to be President:

November 4th will see the end of many things. Eight years of George W Bush. Hopefully, eight years of Republicans in the White House, eight years of self-serving politics, and eight years of hawkish, neocon philosophy.

But it will also mark the end of a very important phenomenon.

Truthiness.

‘Truthiness’ was coined by Stephen Colbert on his show The Colbert Report back in 2005. It was a stroke of genius - quickly becoming the buzzword of the year and even gaining its own Wikipedia entry.

Colbert came up with the term following George Bush’s remarks that he nominated Harriet Miers for the Supreme Court based on how he felt about her. As opposed to the actual reality of, say, facts. Or experience. ‘Truthiness’ is, in short, the feeling of something to be right - and in Stephen and Dubya’s world, that’s enough. In fact, it’s better than facts. Because you have more nerve endings in your gut than in your head.

Watch him introducing the word for the first time:

‘Truthiness’ has, in all truth(iness), never really left Republican politics since 2005 - and in fact, it’s been all-too visible during the current election campaign.

From introducing us to Sarah Palin as “exactly who this country needs” despite barely knowing her, and telling us that we would all be just as “impressed” as he was by her (because who cares about little things like the facts of her record?), to trying to tell Americans why they should feel afraid of Barack Obama (he’s a terrorist! He’s a socialist! He’s, erm, not like you and me!), John McCain has shown time and again that he, his campaign and his party are still driven by Rovian, Bushian ‘truthiness’.

But you know what? The American people aren’t buying it any more. You can put lipstick on the truth and call it truthiness, John - but people will still see the truth. Both of you and your running mate, and of your opposition candidate.

An Obama victory marks the victory of truth over truthiness. And that’s The Word.

And so the list of right-wing endorsements grows. And this is way, way bigger than Colin Powell:

(LOL at badger and Hello Kitty gags)

Not actually a line from The Colbert Report last night, but these segments did make me think of it. Great stuff:

A little political knowledge is a dangerous thing - and Stephen Colbert wants to keep it that way.

He takes a look at the results of a survey which asked Americans to name three things: the controlling party of the US House of Representatives, the US secretary of state and the British prime minister.

The results may, as they say, surprise you:

I laughed out loud at the ‘pantyhose’ line.

Genius line at 2:26:

Love Joe the plumber’s hopes and dreams; and McCain’s frequent flying: